The many fears of Party Kel

If I didn’t know better I would swear that my best friend, Party Kel was raised in a cave. She is absolutely afraid of everything. Anything that could possibly scare an individual scares her. Wait, let me rephrase that. Anything that could possibly scare a 10-year-old scares her.

I wrote an article for Haute Living about a showing of the film Psycho with a live performance of the score played by the San Francisco Symphony. After she read the piece, she IMed me to suggest we should attend the event. Then she said, “Wait. Do I actually have to watch the movie Psycho? If so, I can’t go.”

She couldn’t read my post “Contemplating the undead” because of the picture. I then emailed her the text and she couldn’t read it because she saw the word “zombie” in it. Sometimes I like to mess with her and tell her monsters live under her bed, and then she can’t sleep at night. Here is a list of all the things I have discovered over the 20 years of our friendship that she is specifically fears.

Kelly is actually afraid of THIS movie

• Most people including the elderly, babies, homeless people, clowns, and people with disabilities
• All mammals, reptiles and insects, including Pancakes the bunny and my family’s dog
• Being home along especially at night
• The dark in general
• Most movies rated above PG including the 1980s comedy “Little Monsters”
• Television shows with drama, horror and/or gore
• Any mention of supernatural beings including monsters, vampires, zombies, ghosts, werewolves and aliens