Contemplating the undead

Yesterday, ½Sushi and I were having an IM conversation when she mentioned that every time she opens the trash shoot in her Brooklyn building, she fears she will discover severed human limbs. She asked me if I thought that was weird and I replied no due to my newly developed paranoia.

A few weeks ago, I watched the movie Zombieland. It’s not a scary movie at all. In fact it is a comedy and a really good one at that. Despite the fact that it didn’t scare me in the slightest, I have been left with these irrational thoughts that I am going to wake up one morning to find myself immersed in a zombie infested planet. It has gotten so bad that I actually check my closet in the morning and randomly whip open the curtain while I am showering in order to thwart off a surprise attack.

After my conversation with ½Sushi yesterday, I further contemplated the odds of a zombie world being created overnight as I slept. One factor that make this plausible is the location of my apartment. I live in a basement apartment off the street and not easy to break into (even for the undead). I am also a really heavy sleeper. I think I would have a good chance to survive the first night.

Then I started thinking about the chances of this plague spreading throughout the United States. The two most logical ways a zombified humankind could be created are through a laboratory produced or biologically mutated virus. Due to typical formation of naturally occurring genetic viruses, I venture to assume that such a virus would be created in a third world country and most likely spread to humans through chimpanzees. Considering these factors, it would probably genetically mutate somewhere in Africa.

If it were to be created in a laboratory, it would have to be in a nation with the financial capability and technology to create such a strand, while also having a lack of government regulations and a dash of insanity. In this scenario, it would be more likely to start in Russia or North Korea. Either way, the U.S. would find out about it before it reached our shores.

In summary, I have finally put my fears to rest, because there is no way a zombie virus could spread in this world without me knowing about it before I went to bed. However, if you ever see me walking around looking like this…

Feel free to kill me…again.