Thanks for the ideas grandma!

My grandmother is always extremely sweet and thoughtful. Ever since I have moved out of my parents’ house she is always bringing me little gifts for my apartment. When I moved in, she bought me a really nice toaster oven. Once she brought me a Giada De Laurentiis cookbook and some measuring cups. Another time she gave me old cooking magazines and cupcake and cake tins. My apartment is filled with thoughts she sends my way.

One day, after coming back from my cousin’s birthday party, my mom had another shopping bag filled with stuff for me from my grandmother. This time it was kitchen sponges, a measurement conversion chart magnet, and a pretty glass bird vase. And at the bottom of the bag was a black pamphlet.

I pulled the pamphlet out of the bag, took one second to process what I was looking at, and started laughing uncontrollably. In my hands was a pamphlet called “100 Different Places For Sex.” My grandmother had given me a book filled with a list of different sex locations with checkboxes next to them. Literally, it is a to-do list. As if the book wasn’t creepy enough, the pamphlet says “Compliments of Adams & Eve” on the cover. So basically, my grandmother orders so much stuff from an online sex toy store that they send her complimentary gifts. The thought alone makes me shutter. My parents were obviously disgusted that she even owned such a thing, let alone would pass it on to me. My mom picked it up and tossed it in the trash. I said, “No, no, no, I need to keep this….I mean, it’s from gradma after all.”

I know most of you are thinking that there is no way this is true. Here is photographic evidence and a list of the top five most ridiculously suggestions the book makes.

1. In the back of a taxi while in traffic

2. In a hot air balloon at sunrise

3. Underneath a waterfall in the moon light

4. In a helicopter over the city

5. On a sleigh pulled by horses