A tribute to the Gaussie

One of my good friends, the Gaussie, has left me. After a 6-month temporary transfer to my office, he has headed back to Australia. He has only been mentioned in one other post, but I am pretty sure he only hung out with me to get air time on my blog and in my articles. Here are a few short stories of my life with the Gaussie.

I’ll have two please
The Gaussie is as skinny as a rail, yet he insists on eating the most disgusting food. Once we went to see a movie together and instead of going to a restaurant, he wanted to eat theater food. Let me clarify by saying we weren’t in a rush and there are a plethora of restaurant options surrounding the theater. As I scanned the menu trying to pick out something less than 3,000 calories, he placed his order. The woman brought over two hot dogs, a large drink, and candy. I thought, “Oh how sweet, he ordered for me”. When I told the woman “oh sorry, I was going to order something else” she gave me a weird look and said, “No these are both for him”.

Prostitution whore!
Since the Gaussie moved to the USA in the winter he has become obsessed with trashy TV shows, especially The Real Housewives of New Jersey and New York. He is constantly calling people “prostitution whores”, saying “Hellooooo” like Jill Zarin, and telling friends that “money can’t buy you class”. When we were in Tahoe for the 4th of July, he demanded I buy the Countess’ song so we could play it on repeat and have a dance party. On his last night here, I introduced him to The Bad Girls Club and he fell in white trash love. I am pretty sure he cried on the plane because they don’t air it in Australia.

This costs more than my rent
Like any good gay, he is obsessed with shopping. And by shopping I mean he literally cannot buy anything that costs less than $500. He walks up to my desk every day looking like he jumped out of a fashion magazine. He has phenomenal style and his wardrobe is worth a small fortune. During his trip to New York, he “went a little crazy” and purchased this black leather murse (man purse). When I asked him how much it cost, he said “I am not going to tell you because you are going to judge me.” He was probably right. Eventually he told me the amount and I won’t repeat it, but let’s just say if I were to return it, the murse could cover two months of my rent. I told him I am not going to feel bad for him when he spends all his money and because homeless. However, he will be the chicest bum ever.

Look at the camera, dammit!
In 90% of the photos the Gaussie is in he is a) solo and b) not looking at the camera. After our company’s regional meeting, we spent a night in Carmel. When we arrived, we took a mini tour of our hotel. It was on this massive hilly cliff overlooking the ocean. As you can imagine the views were gorgeous. The lobby had this great fireplace lounge with ceiling high windows. The Gaussie asked me to take a photo of him sitting on a chair by the window. As I positioned the camera, he started gazing off into the distance. “Ok, I’m ready,” I said, holding the camera to my face. He replied, face still turned, “yeah, go ahead.” “Ummm you aren’t even looking at the camera.” “Yeah, I know.”

I am going to miss my gay boyfriend so much. The good new is Prop 8 was ruled unconstitutional yesterday, so maybe in the near future we can get gay married. In the mean time, every time I watch trashy television or each convenience store food, I will think of him.