Someone’s been huffing the laughing gas

I have titled this work "Evil Mouthwash"

I went to the dentist a few weeks ago and the more I think about it, the more I am convinced that he either did not pay attention in medical school or is clinically insane.

The appointment started out like any other, with the usual questions about my oral hygiene. Then he started giving me a hard time about not flossing. I absolutely hate flossing and never do it. I have maybe flossed once every six months and that is only because the dentist does it for you.

I told him I use mouthwash every other day, so I sort of felt like not flossing was a little bit ok (though I know that’s not the case). He responded by telling me I should never use mouthwash, because it is bad for my health. Then he asked me, “What mouthwash do you use?” and I told him I used Listerine. “Like that mouthwash?” He then proceeded to point to a bottle of Listerine on the counter.

PAUSE: Yes, he has his patients use a product he thinks will slowly kill them.
RESUME

Me: “Yeah, the exact same one.”
Dr. A: “It’s really bad for your health. It is like 26% alcohol.”
Me: “No worse than drinking booze.”
Dr. A: “Yes, because when you use mouthwash it is absorbed in your gums and can cause health problems over time.”
Me: “So you are trying to tell me that if I drink every Friday and Saturday night, that it is better for me than swishing mouthwash in my mouth for 10 seconds every other day and then spitting it out?”
Dr. A: “Yes.”
Me: “I am sorry, that is just not true.”
Dr. A: “Well mouthwash is made out of a different kind of alcohol than liquor.”
Me: “That may be so, but it can still get you drunk. I saw on Intervention that alcoholics drink mouthwash when they don’t have liquor in the house. Plus, if mouthwash has around 26% alcohol and vodka has about 40% than I guarantee my weekend binge drinking is worse for me than my daily use of a thimble full of mouthwash.”
Dr. A: “It’s not, see the…”
Me: “This conversation is over.”

While I do realize alcohol based mouthwash, if used over time, is linked to cancer (what isn’t) I certainly do not think it’s worse than the average American’s alcohol consumption. In addition, he basically feels like my mouthwash use is far worse than the fact that I do not floss.

After I left the dentist, I went to my parent’s house to have dinner. I told my dad I thought our dentist was crazy, and he asked “Why? Did he give you the mouthwash shpeel?”