Crack chapstick

During my college years I lived in Boston. While it was a really gorgeous city and a ton of fun, the weather, particularly the winter, never agreed with me. My hair was always a static mess, my skin was constantly dry, and my lips were continuously chapped.

I don’t typically wear anything on my lips, because I unconsciously start rubbing them together, but because my lips were always red and cracked, I had to wear chapstick all the time. The brand I particularly enjoyed was Burt’s Bees Wax. It came in this really cute container and worked really well.

One morning, while running late to class, I had realized I had run out of Burt’s Bees. Before hopping on the T, I ran into the corner store and found they sold Burt’s Bees Wax in stick form. Pretty stoked about my new purchase, I quickly applied it and managed to make it on the T and headed to class.

Throughout the day I started noticing that I was getting a lot of glances. It seemed like every guy I walked by was checking me out. People were turning their heads to look my way. I am not cocky by any means, but I started thinking that I must be looking pretty damn good to be getting all that attention. I started walking with a little extra confidence in my step that day with the knowledge that I was looking amazing.

At the end of the day I headed back home. The minute I walked into my apartment, my roommate ½Sushi started laughing in my face.

“What are you laughing at?”
“What the hell is on your lips?”
“Just chapstick, why?”
“Go look in the mirror.”

I quickly discovered why I had been getting looks all day. It wasn’t because I was looking extra hot, or had a cute outfit on. It was because my lips were WHITE, as in blending into my skin white, like crack head white. People probably thought I had been doing lines in between classes.  I pulled the chapstick out of my purse and realized why the hell I looked liked Tyrone Biggums. I had purchased the Lifeguard’s Choice lip balm, which is basically zinc. Awesome.

Dave Chappelle as Tyron Biggums

Fortunately for me, after all the flack I got from ½Sushi, she recently had a very similar experience. Still to this day, whenever I wear chapstick, I always check myself in the mirror to make sure I never make that same mistake again.